Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I lack an appropriate reason for a life.

This will be the second blog I've posted today, AND IT'S NEW YEARS EVE!

Shouldn't I be out doing something worthwhile other than sit at home all day?

Well, I WILL be doing something worthwhile in less than 4 hours. NEW YEARS EVE PAR-TAY!!!

Bekkah [sibling, idiosyncratic hoochie] is somewhat excited. AREN'T YOU BEKKAH? She also likes watching me type up my blogs. DON'T YOU BEKKAH?

So really, it's not some big climactic thing for her when she reads them.


Getting back...
Tonight should be good. I don't hold out high hopes. I believe the lower your expectations are for something the better the outcome.

That's some rather dandy philosophy.

Bekkah will be eyeing off her little loverboy [who bares a familiar resemblance to John Mayer], while I'll have nothing to do other than sit the sod down and hopelessly entertain some little kids with terrible comedy, or singing or worse...no the singing will be the worst.

Or I could draw, BUT there are some issues with that.

Number One: I will, get asked by the little kids at this party to draw them. Mind you, there will be a plethora of kids. YAY. ME.
Number Two: I WILL GET INTERRUPTED. 'Nuff Said.
Number Three: I will get someone peering over my shoulder every 2 seconds saying, "MY WHAT A GREAT ARTIST!" Then I'll curl up into a ball that somehow resembles a beetroot and splutter a very awkward "t-t-thank you". OH YOU ARE JAM-PACKED WITH THE SOCIAL SKILLS AREN'T YOU, MONICA?!

So, not only am I a beetroot-resembling, bad-singing, terrible-comedian antisocial git, I'm also a terrible conversationalist.

YES. I'm terrible.
I can hold down a conversation quite well [here comes the bigotry], BUT, unless the person I am conversing with agrees on the topic I am conversing about [80% percent of the time, they don't agree] I cannot hold down the conversation, it will end up something like this..

Me: ..And don't get me started about that "Twilight" series. Worst story line ever.
Me: Well, maybe I just appreciate good literature..

And stop right there.

I'm sorry the only example I have is with a Twilight fangirl. There's the justification that I just cannot talk to other human beings [excluding Twilight fangirls] well [Yes I am classifying Twilight fangirls as something other than 'human', and oh, how they wish the non-human thing I was classifying them as was a vampire Ha. Ha. Haaaaa.].

Well not really. I can converse with normal, average human beings. But then I will most obviously say something very stupid or very inappropriate.

Person: My what lovely hair you have!
Me: well, ugh, thanks. I l-like yours too?
Person: This ratty mop? HAHAHAHHAHA. Needs to be shaved off if you ask me. HAHAHA.
Me: He.He. Well, ugh, then you'd bare a striking resemblance to a cancer patient.


Okay so yes, maybe I didn't have that EXACT conversation with someone, but the same sort of soul-crushing dialogue ensues.

It's a real worry.

And what does this have to do with the New Years Eve Party, well simple put. If someone tries to start a conversation with me, one of those two examples aforementioned will occur.

It's depressing, [DEPRESSING YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:DD:D:D:D:DDD:):):)!!!] because I think I have a somewhat intriguing personality [AND MODEST TOO MONICA!] and that cannot show in day-to-day exchanges of pleasantries, but anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, my true personality shows when I am with true friends. So all in all it's well good.

ANDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I find it amusing how I intended this blog to be a few paragraphs, and it has inclined to be well, pretty sodding long.

ANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD, to just end this blog on a nice note, here's a picture of a blobfish.

So I read the news today...

There's nothing much that happens in my life that I deem "newsworthy". Oh yes, you might hear the occasional "AHMAHGAHDZ DAD TOTEZ GOT ME A NEW MP4 AHMAHGAHDZ I SO HAPPEEEEEEEEEEEE". But to me, that's not entirely important or well, interesting. Well for me it is, slightly, because I have a brand-spanking new device to my melodic tunes onto. OH YEAH.

But really, I was thinking, I want something to happen in my life that is, not necessarily interesting, because really, anything is interesting to me, but something worth telling, something worth getting up at 2am, not even thinking twice about how you have an important math exam on later that morning and screaming out from a megaphone on the street about how that event has changed your life.

Something like that.

It's a small, simple goal. Yet near impossible to achieve.

It could be anything really.

Love, hate, passion, a world trip, a certain meeting. Anything.

I want it to happen spontaneously.
None of this 'planned' crap. I want it to be the most Odd, Absurd and Obnoxious© thing to ever happen to any human being.

Life, bring it on.

P.S- I can't comment Nessar's blog so I'm going to write it here.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Pool Kreepy Krawlies are NEVER fun.

That fear that the majority of us had when we were kids, the ol' pool Kreepy Krawly.
Ah yes, that tubed monster that looks like some sort of weird underwater creature that would be found 10, 000 feet under the ocean waves.

That fear has stayed with some of us to our teenage years, for some even their adult years.

But the fear grows for these things when you are asked to ASSEMBLE and OPERATE one.

I woke up this morning at about 8:30, I didn't leave the comfort of my bed till 8:45. As I was walking down the stairs, I overhear my mother say something about how I was meant to assemble the Kreepy Krawly, I turn into the kitchen with my unwashed and unmoisturised face, drag the box over to the lounge, rip out the instructions and read.

Hmm, all seems pretty straight forward at this point in time.

I then proceed to drag the box outside to assemble it.

It is hot today, REAL HOT, and muggy, just the type of weather you want to have if you're going to be outside for the next three hours of your life.

2 hours later, after scratched legs from the "flapper" repeatedly colliding with my skin, blistered and swollen fingertips from the pipe connecting and a sore upper body from repeated pushing and pulling of certain parts. The sodding thing is assembled.

But the torture doesn't stop there, I then have to go and operate this.

I throw the Kreepy Krawly and the attached hose into the water, as I make my way over to the filter box to do some attachments and whatnot.

Hopefully, after 2 hours of assembling, it works.

Nothing, Zip, Nadda.

It doesn't move at all.
It doesn't suck anything up.

Even though every sodding thing is attached and placed correctly.

1 hour later after more struggling with trying to fix it, I deem it impossible.

It's not working, but I've managed to make it move .1 of a millimetre a second. YAY ME.

So now my pool has things growing in it, it remains green, it remains dirty and has little foreign bug things swimming in it.

I reckon if you fell in there, you'd die.

So now, I'm in pain trying type this with blistered fingers, and my back is starting to sting, the possibility of sunburn is high.

Approx. Time of my morning wasted: 3 hours.

How many days I'll have to wait till my father comes home to fix the pool: 5.

How many litres of sweat will drip out of my pores since I cannot cool myself off in the pool: Too many to count.

So remember kids, if you're parents ask you to EVER assemble a Kreepy Krawly you reply with a fast running movement and a plain ticket to the farthest corner of the globe.

Exact depiction of a what a Kreepy Krawly looks like.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Salt, warm water and tea bags have become my new best friends; Being sick is a bitch.

Sneezing, coughing and blocked noses are never ever fun in the summer months. I feel slightly ripped off that I get one DREADFUL cold a year, one that REALLY hits home. But oh no, it's as if the receptors in my brain, the one's that programme whether I receive a cold or not have gone crazy. So I have been hit again with a rather dreadful cold. What's worse is that while I have this sodding cold I also:
-Have Conjunctivitis
-Am riding the crimson wave, if you catch my drift.
-Am low in iron and Vitamin C, well the latter is somewhat obvious.

So I'm sitting here at my computer desk sipping on a popper and eating Tiny Teddies while I ponder the thought on how I miss being healthy and ailment-free. Ahhh, those were the days, it seems so long ago.

Apart from me popping various foil wrappers of medication such as:
-Various multi-vitamins
I have found that it hasn't made me feel any better. In fact if I feel anything it would be a build of Ibuprofen and anaesthetic [from the Strepsils] in my system.

On the topic of conjunctivitis, I've had it since Friday and it is a real pain in the ass [Pain in the eyes amirite?] I've flushed my eyes out continuously with warm salty water, tea [I was advised by an Internet source, that flushing the eyes out with tea would help] and now I am destined to try the Albalon liquid my father has bought in hope that my eyes will return to their sparkling stature.

It seems to me as if the evil Phlegm demons are trying to sabotage my breathing once again, and the evil Conjunctiva Spirits are trying to alter my vision and cause me acute pain every morning when I have to pry my eyelids open due to the hardened discharge that forms around my eyelashes during the night.

Oh yes, life is very pleasant at this point in time.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

I despise the Twilight series, so that must make me a ignorant bitch.

I have an issue with this book, "Twilight", to the extent where I want to shoot down every fangirl that comes into my sight.

Heck, let's just say the whole sodding series bugs the shit out of me.

Why? You are probably thinking to yourself. Well I shall explain to you why, even though the number of fangirl haters I get will go up by the trillions, I don't mind.

Now, I'm not the only person in this world, universe even, that hates Twilight, so don't think of me as mentally incapacitated, you darn ignorant shrews. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not bashing on Twilight because I hate books. I love literature! I love it to the extent where I want to own a library, and just by inhaling the air in that library your IQ raises 25 points. Oh yeah. But I just cannot comprehend how I know people who have read and still read amazingly good literature. Such literary works from such people as Edgar Allan Poe [who some people do not tend to fancy, but a legendary author nonetheless, who also happens to be my favorite], Shakespeare, Markus Zusak, J.R.R Tolkien, J.K Rowling and many more. But these people still have a trifling, forceful need to fall in love with a book as simple and predictable as Stephenie Meyer's "Twilight".

Yes, I call it just "Twilight" because I couldn't be bothered wasting my breath saying "series" after it, because in my opinion a "series" is a consecutive order of GOOD BOOKS. "Twilight" just isn't that.

So hey, some of you are probably thinking I'm bashing this book, but have I actually read it?

When asked this I reply with, 'I have read enough'. You see, I don't believe in continuing on reading a bad book, much the same as how you wouldn't continue eating a bad meal. So I don't think I should read anymore than what I have of this "Twilight".

Alot of you fangirls might also be thinking I'm judging you too harshly, but have I actually met a fangirl? To put it simple, Yes I most certainly have. I live with one, I go to school with MANY and also the many encounters I've had in various public places with fangirls. The fact that I now cannot go into a bookstore without being harrassed by the 16-year-old girl shop assistant whether I like Twilight is purely ridiculous! If I reply with "It's the shittiest book I have ever laid my eyes upon" they give me a look of total and utter disbelief that soon turns to anger and fury and I have an overwhelming feeling they are going to pounce at me from behind the counter and gauge out my eyeballs! Which in a way would be fairly pleasant as I would never have to see anymore fangirls nor would I have to gaze my eyes over the sodding piece of GLORIFIED FANFICTION that is "Twilight".

Also, I don't care how "romantically" it is portrayed but mothers should be warning their young girls, that no matter how "sparkly" or "dazzling" a young man is, allowing him to crawl through your bedroom at night and watch you sleep is just plain creepy! And that would most likely land that young man in jail, nothing romantic about that.

Also, what the freakin' hell is with Stephenie Meyer's portrayal of vampires? If Nosferatu sparkled, it would have made the whole movie look like a sodding Mardi Gras! She has removed every traditional aspect of a what a vampire actual is!

All in all, Dracula > The Cullen Fags.

Moving on from the books, I would like to bring up the issue of the movie, that is coming out VERY soon here in Australia.

Firstly, yes I will be seeing Twilight, if you wish to spot me I will be wearing an "I HATE TWILIGHT" t-shirt.

From what I've been forced to view of the trailers I can pinpoint the:
-Overacting in this film.
-The terrible book-to-script work. [Book-to-script meaning, something was initially a book then they turned it into a movie, changing all different parts of the book.]
-And the very annoying face of Kirsten Stewart.

Also the other thing that REALLY grinds my gears, is the fact that I can't even say I like vampires without it having some certain link with "Twilight" and yes, I do find it infuriating. I have kind liked vampires since I saw 'Van Helsing' in 2004, so thanks Twilight for ruining that for me!

I have heard people say that "Twilight" is going to be the next "Harry Potter". No. Stop before I do something that is seen in my mind as COMPLETELY rational.

Harry Potter is a classic and ALOT of people agree with me! Everyone knows what Harry Potter is, and for Twilight to push back the premiere of the 6th Harry Potter is ridiculous [I know the formal reason why they pushed it back, you nitwits].

Now you must all comprehend that I did not simply wake up one morning and decide to hate Twilight. No, I was a minor fangirl, I used to believe that the book was great, Edward was perfect yadda yadda yadda, until it occurred to me that Stephenie Meyer's portrayal of vampires was out of wack, Edward seemed to perfect, Bella was a Mary Sue and from what I had heard everything that I thought was going to happen in the book, did happen; Predictability soaring to a 10 on the radar, so I stopped reading.

In conclusion, I believe "Twilight" is the absolute worst and most predictable series of books ever published, I also believe the movie will be ten times worse. My hatred has grown to the extent, that whenever I see a group of young girls in a bookstore swooning and giggling while holding "Twilight" in their hands, I want to cover them all in napalm.

Good day to you all.

Deep inside my mind.....

I believe the more self esteems I lower through being an indecent human being, the more happier I become.

That sad thing is, I'm totally not kidding.