Wednesday, January 28, 2009

You know what else can give you the cold shoulder? MICROWAVE DINNERS!

A little entry I wrote up on bebo a year or so ago.

"Well after skulling down my brown slop, which is supposedly called 'dinner', my throat is burning because of the excess pepper that graced it. Honestly who needs THAT much pepper, and I'm not talking about a few odd black specks here and there, I'm talking about a BLACK TYPHOON OF PEPPER. The thing was covered in an avalanche practically. So the name of the 'slop' was 'Peppered Steak', What is the steak made out of compressed pepper? Because I didn't taste any meat in that.

It is now 8:30, and I didn't finish the dinner/crap, until about 20 minutes ago, and I started cooking it at about well let's say 7:30, when the Simpsons Started, So the slop took about an hour to make, mind you my microwave isn't the top of the range -coughwehardlyuseitsoit'seightyearsoldco ugh- But honestly, AN HOUR? I could have waddled down to Maccas at Central in the time it took to make that, but I hate McDonalds so I wouldn't have done so anyway.

But after you chuck this slop in the microwave for 6 mintues, you are forced to take it out again as if some GOD OF MICROWAVE DINNERS WILL HAIL THUNDERBOLTS DOWN UNTO YOU, and shake it, then the dinner must be placed back into the microwave for another six minutes. Yeah, well I followed those instructions, so what am I left with? A frozen block.I chucked it back in the cooking box for another 5 minutes, yet when I take it out, it's still cold, I shove it back in hoping another 2 minutes will do it, no, another 1, no, put it back for another 2, eventually I gave up on this whole process, so I decided to, in Dale's words, "TAKE IT LIKE A MAN" so I took it like a man, AND I ATE IT HALF FROZEN.

So now, I'm clutching my throat in acute pain, while my stomach nauseates over the fact I gave it something that looked similar to something I saw a cow do at the Ekka once. O_O

Moral of this story?
Microwave Meals look like shit, taste like shit, and take a century to cook."

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

This place reeks of Dettol.

One thing I have learned in my life is to never, EVER touch anything in a Doctor's surgery.
I don't CARE how clean you think it is, and I also do not care if the place uses 'Hospital Grade Disinfectant', just trust me. NEVER touch ANYTHING.

When I venture into a Doctor's Surgery, like with anyone who walks through the doors, people will look up from the 10 year old magazines placed in the waiting room stare at you then think of the reasons you may be here.

For any young girl, like myself, the guesses are normally the same:
Sex related problem.

On the contrary, it's none of those things. Well for me anyway.

I'm normally at the doctor's because, being the hypochondriac I am, any little thing I find wrong with my body I would think it needs immediate medical attention.

So as I sit in the waiting room, as the middle aged women look up from their magazines to have a glance at you to see if you're really the slapper they're guessing you are, I think of the hundreds of people that walk in and out of here a week, cough/sneeze/other 'thing' that could spread disease into their hand/hankie/other object that could spread disease and spread their lovely illness that will bed rid you for days and cause you severe stomach cramps. Nice.

People could have contracted anything, and then they sit, in the same waiting room as you spreading whatever disease from whatever continent they contracted it from, then if you touch anything they have touched, the chance of you contracting that same foreign disease they have increases ten fold. Bleurgh

What if that foreign disease causes your eye's to pop out of your skull, causes abscesses on your skin the size of grapefruits and causes your internal organs to attack each other? Hmmm?

So, I sit their for the rest of my waiting time with my hands clasped firmly in my lap, not saying a word to anyone, until my doctor comes out of their room and calls me in.

Then the horror ensues and I get wrongly diagnosed for something I don't have and I get wrongly prescribed medicine for something I don't have and then I go home and take the medicine and suffer the terrible side effects due to the fact the medicine I took was for something, you guessed it, I don't have.

But it can't be worse then contracting a foreign disease off of someone from a Doctor's surgery.

So if you want to take any tidbit of information away from this blog today, it's just don't touch anything in a Doctor's surgery okay? You'll thank me for it in the future.