Saturday, November 22, 2008

I despise the Twilight series, so that must make me a ignorant bitch.

I have an issue with this book, "Twilight", to the extent where I want to shoot down every fangirl that comes into my sight.

Heck, let's just say the whole sodding series bugs the shit out of me.

Why? You are probably thinking to yourself. Well I shall explain to you why, even though the number of fangirl haters I get will go up by the trillions, I don't mind.

Now, I'm not the only person in this world, universe even, that hates Twilight, so don't think of me as mentally incapacitated, you darn ignorant shrews. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not bashing on Twilight because I hate books. I love literature! I love it to the extent where I want to own a library, and just by inhaling the air in that library your IQ raises 25 points. Oh yeah. But I just cannot comprehend how I know people who have read and still read amazingly good literature. Such literary works from such people as Edgar Allan Poe [who some people do not tend to fancy, but a legendary author nonetheless, who also happens to be my favorite], Shakespeare, Markus Zusak, J.R.R Tolkien, J.K Rowling and many more. But these people still have a trifling, forceful need to fall in love with a book as simple and predictable as Stephenie Meyer's "Twilight".

Yes, I call it just "Twilight" because I couldn't be bothered wasting my breath saying "series" after it, because in my opinion a "series" is a consecutive order of GOOD BOOKS. "Twilight" just isn't that.

So hey, some of you are probably thinking I'm bashing this book, but have I actually read it?

When asked this I reply with, 'I have read enough'. You see, I don't believe in continuing on reading a bad book, much the same as how you wouldn't continue eating a bad meal. So I don't think I should read anymore than what I have of this "Twilight".

Alot of you fangirls might also be thinking I'm judging you too harshly, but have I actually met a fangirl? To put it simple, Yes I most certainly have. I live with one, I go to school with MANY and also the many encounters I've had in various public places with fangirls. The fact that I now cannot go into a bookstore without being harrassed by the 16-year-old girl shop assistant whether I like Twilight is purely ridiculous! If I reply with "It's the shittiest book I have ever laid my eyes upon" they give me a look of total and utter disbelief that soon turns to anger and fury and I have an overwhelming feeling they are going to pounce at me from behind the counter and gauge out my eyeballs! Which in a way would be fairly pleasant as I would never have to see anymore fangirls nor would I have to gaze my eyes over the sodding piece of GLORIFIED FANFICTION that is "Twilight".

Also, I don't care how "romantically" it is portrayed but mothers should be warning their young girls, that no matter how "sparkly" or "dazzling" a young man is, allowing him to crawl through your bedroom at night and watch you sleep is just plain creepy! And that would most likely land that young man in jail, nothing romantic about that.

Also, what the freakin' hell is with Stephenie Meyer's portrayal of vampires? If Nosferatu sparkled, it would have made the whole movie look like a sodding Mardi Gras! She has removed every traditional aspect of a what a vampire actual is!

All in all, Dracula > The Cullen Fags.

Moving on from the books, I would like to bring up the issue of the movie, that is coming out VERY soon here in Australia.

Firstly, yes I will be seeing Twilight, if you wish to spot me I will be wearing an "I HATE TWILIGHT" t-shirt.

From what I've been forced to view of the trailers I can pinpoint the:
-Overacting in this film.
-The terrible book-to-script work. [Book-to-script meaning, something was initially a book then they turned it into a movie, changing all different parts of the book.]
-And the very annoying face of Kirsten Stewart.

Also the other thing that REALLY grinds my gears, is the fact that I can't even say I like vampires without it having some certain link with "Twilight" and yes, I do find it infuriating. I have kind liked vampires since I saw 'Van Helsing' in 2004, so thanks Twilight for ruining that for me!

I have heard people say that "Twilight" is going to be the next "Harry Potter". No. Stop before I do something that is seen in my mind as COMPLETELY rational.

Harry Potter is a classic and ALOT of people agree with me! Everyone knows what Harry Potter is, and for Twilight to push back the premiere of the 6th Harry Potter is ridiculous [I know the formal reason why they pushed it back, you nitwits].

Now you must all comprehend that I did not simply wake up one morning and decide to hate Twilight. No, I was a minor fangirl, I used to believe that the book was great, Edward was perfect yadda yadda yadda, until it occurred to me that Stephenie Meyer's portrayal of vampires was out of wack, Edward seemed to perfect, Bella was a Mary Sue and from what I had heard everything that I thought was going to happen in the book, did happen; Predictability soaring to a 10 on the radar, so I stopped reading.

In conclusion, I believe "Twilight" is the absolute worst and most predictable series of books ever published, I also believe the movie will be ten times worse. My hatred has grown to the extent, that whenever I see a group of young girls in a bookstore swooning and giggling while holding "Twilight" in their hands, I want to cover them all in napalm.

Good day to you all.

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