Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I lack an appropriate reason for a life.

This will be the second blog I've posted today, AND IT'S NEW YEARS EVE!

Shouldn't I be out doing something worthwhile other than sit at home all day?

Well, I WILL be doing something worthwhile in less than 4 hours. NEW YEARS EVE PAR-TAY!!!

Bekkah [sibling, idiosyncratic hoochie] is somewhat excited. AREN'T YOU BEKKAH? She also likes watching me type up my blogs. DON'T YOU BEKKAH?

So really, it's not some big climactic thing for her when she reads them.


Getting back...
Tonight should be good. I don't hold out high hopes. I believe the lower your expectations are for something the better the outcome.

That's some rather dandy philosophy.

Bekkah will be eyeing off her little loverboy [who bares a familiar resemblance to John Mayer], while I'll have nothing to do other than sit the sod down and hopelessly entertain some little kids with terrible comedy, or singing or worse...no the singing will be the worst.

Or I could draw, BUT there are some issues with that.

Number One: I will, get asked by the little kids at this party to draw them. Mind you, there will be a plethora of kids. YAY. ME.
Number Two: I WILL GET INTERRUPTED. 'Nuff Said.
Number Three: I will get someone peering over my shoulder every 2 seconds saying, "MY WHAT A GREAT ARTIST!" Then I'll curl up into a ball that somehow resembles a beetroot and splutter a very awkward "t-t-thank you". OH YOU ARE JAM-PACKED WITH THE SOCIAL SKILLS AREN'T YOU, MONICA?!

So, not only am I a beetroot-resembling, bad-singing, terrible-comedian antisocial git, I'm also a terrible conversationalist.

YES. I'm terrible.
I can hold down a conversation quite well [here comes the bigotry], BUT, unless the person I am conversing with agrees on the topic I am conversing about [80% percent of the time, they don't agree] I cannot hold down the conversation, it will end up something like this..

Me: ..And don't get me started about that "Twilight" series. Worst story line ever.
Me: Well, maybe I just appreciate good literature..

And stop right there.

I'm sorry the only example I have is with a Twilight fangirl. There's the justification that I just cannot talk to other human beings [excluding Twilight fangirls] well [Yes I am classifying Twilight fangirls as something other than 'human', and oh, how they wish the non-human thing I was classifying them as was a vampire Ha. Ha. Haaaaa.].

Well not really. I can converse with normal, average human beings. But then I will most obviously say something very stupid or very inappropriate.

Person: My what lovely hair you have!
Me: well, ugh, thanks. I l-like yours too?
Person: This ratty mop? HAHAHAHHAHA. Needs to be shaved off if you ask me. HAHAHA.
Me: He.He. Well, ugh, then you'd bare a striking resemblance to a cancer patient.


Okay so yes, maybe I didn't have that EXACT conversation with someone, but the same sort of soul-crushing dialogue ensues.

It's a real worry.

And what does this have to do with the New Years Eve Party, well simple put. If someone tries to start a conversation with me, one of those two examples aforementioned will occur.

It's depressing, [DEPRESSING YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:DD:D:D:D:DDD:):):)!!!] because I think I have a somewhat intriguing personality [AND MODEST TOO MONICA!] and that cannot show in day-to-day exchanges of pleasantries, but anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, my true personality shows when I am with true friends. So all in all it's well good.

ANDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I find it amusing how I intended this blog to be a few paragraphs, and it has inclined to be well, pretty sodding long.

ANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD, to just end this blog on a nice note, here's a picture of a blobfish.

So I read the news today...

There's nothing much that happens in my life that I deem "newsworthy". Oh yes, you might hear the occasional "AHMAHGAHDZ DAD TOTEZ GOT ME A NEW MP4 AHMAHGAHDZ I SO HAPPEEEEEEEEEEEE". But to me, that's not entirely important or well, interesting. Well for me it is, slightly, because I have a brand-spanking new device to my melodic tunes onto. OH YEAH.

But really, I was thinking, I want something to happen in my life that is, not necessarily interesting, because really, anything is interesting to me, but something worth telling, something worth getting up at 2am, not even thinking twice about how you have an important math exam on later that morning and screaming out from a megaphone on the street about how that event has changed your life.

Something like that.

It's a small, simple goal. Yet near impossible to achieve.

It could be anything really.

Love, hate, passion, a world trip, a certain meeting. Anything.

I want it to happen spontaneously.
None of this 'planned' crap. I want it to be the most Odd, Absurd and Obnoxious© thing to ever happen to any human being.

Life, bring it on.

P.S- I can't comment Nessar's blog so I'm going to write it here.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Pool Kreepy Krawlies are NEVER fun.

That fear that the majority of us had when we were kids, the ol' pool Kreepy Krawly.
Ah yes, that tubed monster that looks like some sort of weird underwater creature that would be found 10, 000 feet under the ocean waves.

That fear has stayed with some of us to our teenage years, for some even their adult years.

But the fear grows for these things when you are asked to ASSEMBLE and OPERATE one.

I woke up this morning at about 8:30, I didn't leave the comfort of my bed till 8:45. As I was walking down the stairs, I overhear my mother say something about how I was meant to assemble the Kreepy Krawly, I turn into the kitchen with my unwashed and unmoisturised face, drag the box over to the lounge, rip out the instructions and read.

Hmm, all seems pretty straight forward at this point in time.

I then proceed to drag the box outside to assemble it.

It is hot today, REAL HOT, and muggy, just the type of weather you want to have if you're going to be outside for the next three hours of your life.

2 hours later, after scratched legs from the "flapper" repeatedly colliding with my skin, blistered and swollen fingertips from the pipe connecting and a sore upper body from repeated pushing and pulling of certain parts. The sodding thing is assembled.

But the torture doesn't stop there, I then have to go and operate this.

I throw the Kreepy Krawly and the attached hose into the water, as I make my way over to the filter box to do some attachments and whatnot.

Hopefully, after 2 hours of assembling, it works.

Nothing, Zip, Nadda.

It doesn't move at all.
It doesn't suck anything up.

Even though every sodding thing is attached and placed correctly.

1 hour later after more struggling with trying to fix it, I deem it impossible.

It's not working, but I've managed to make it move .1 of a millimetre a second. YAY ME.

So now my pool has things growing in it, it remains green, it remains dirty and has little foreign bug things swimming in it.

I reckon if you fell in there, you'd die.

So now, I'm in pain trying type this with blistered fingers, and my back is starting to sting, the possibility of sunburn is high.

Approx. Time of my morning wasted: 3 hours.

How many days I'll have to wait till my father comes home to fix the pool: 5.

How many litres of sweat will drip out of my pores since I cannot cool myself off in the pool: Too many to count.

So remember kids, if you're parents ask you to EVER assemble a Kreepy Krawly you reply with a fast running movement and a plain ticket to the farthest corner of the globe.

Exact depiction of a what a Kreepy Krawly looks like.